Mindlessness. Failed conversations in the head.

If you are thinking about thinking, what you do think, you will see that most of things are some irrelevant, counterproductive mind drifting, a lot of white noise that only some trained people can stop. You don't need to put an effort to think, to talk you you head, neither effort would help to stop it. It's would be like in this thought suppression experiment . It doesn't work this way. However something can be done with this ineffective thinking process. One of the things can be done is of course to write everything down. This would give some relief from some annoying thoughts. But it's possible, I believe, to do something better than this. Some of our thoughts are dialogs with people that are going to take place or have failed in the past, and there are some sense of incompleteness, feeling that we haven't said and we haven't done right thing. In reality in most cases we really can't do nothing about that, we can't bring back time to talk with someone all over again, so replying these conversations in our head is irrational, however our mind is not rational. So what to do?
Well for the sake of sake of completeness and self analysis, we can analyze these conversations, try to understand another persons perspective, but I mean really understand. Miler's law would be very useful in this. And another useful thing is to look for our own goals of saying, what we actually said and what we would say if we could go back to past and say that. I think this kind of self observation would be useful, because almost always we the biggest enemies of ourselves while communicating with others. People that interacts with us are not to be blamed, and they will not do what we think they should unless, we share opinions with them about that. So knowing selfs, by analyzing our thought may be very helpful.

P.S. Sorry about messy writing, I will improve that over time.

Social cognition, actor-observer asymmetry and other social phenomenon in action

Whoever is reading this, I'm going to start with two apologies. First is that the name of this topic may sound too technical. Sorry about that. Second is that as always I'm going to be abstract, to abstract as usually in order to protect me and the guilty. This is a public blog you know :P .
So without further delays, let's get to the point. It's may be an old cliché, but in order to understand yourself you must observe and listen to others and in order to understand others you must observe and listen to yourself. But not only listen, but to analyze. On one hand this is very powerful tool in understanding and persuading self and others, on the other hand this is very challenging task, since behavior of a person and interactions between people takes much less time than analysis. There are solutions for that of course. First of all not every single interaction are equally valuable. Sometimes it takes little to see the pattern. Another good thing is that we do not have to start from the scratch. There are some researches regarding these topics.
But knowledge is not enough. Another important thing is... Well I would call this "ego suppression". There are no my interests outside of me. No one must do anything for me unless it's they interest. The first question I should answer here is "what are their agenda?". Were I need as little assumptions as possible, as little bias as possible. That is hard, but not nearly as hard as second question: "what am I trying to do?". This is not as simple question as it may look like. People has lots of hidden agendas, so secret that they doesn't know about it even themselves. There are lots of insecurities, defenses we are not aware of. This, I believe is one of the main sources of misunderstandings between people.
The bottom line here is that the key of understanding and persuading others is as unbiased as possible self observation.